Saturday, November 23, 2013

Eyes Open

I always waited for the day when the bitterness would drain out of my veins and I would become a whole person.
For the cover to be removed from my eyes, for the concrete to be poured out of my brain, to find a matching puzzle piece.

I always wanted to be whole. To be a complete picture. To be great.  For the things I touched to turn to gold, an effortless thing, finesse in my fingertips.

I waited and waited and waited.

And then one day I woke up.

Waiting and wishing created endless cycles of self doubt and deprecation that were impossible to be free of, wounding me and severing my ties to reality so that time and time again I was left forcing myself to feel nothing.

I am not a being who deserves to wait.

I am not one who will sit by the side and watch and wait agonizingly while possibilities pass by.

New perspective and clarity can come with ease, and things can change so quickly.

All you need to do is open your eyes and realize that you are real. I could spit cliches all day, but that's what really is important. You are the one who is capable and adaptable. You are real.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

About Me: #1

I love books.
Like a lot.
A lot a lot.
It's one of the most basic parts of who I am.

There is something magical about having thoughts captured with words. How you can feel emotionally connected to people on a page. How you can be a different person after you turn that last page and close the book.

I feel like every time I read something that I connect with, or love, or think is profound or insightful, it becomes a little part of who I am. Like the whole world is filled with little parts of my soul and it's my life goal to go out and find them all and make them a part of me.

These are a few of my favorite books. Because they made their way into my heart and changed me.

Real Talk.

Let's get real for a minute here.

I often am the culprit of censoring and editing my thoughts and words because, irrationally, I can't seem to stop caring what other people think.
Maybe it isn't that though. It possibly could be a combination of my own frailty and the constraints of societal stereotypes and cultural expectations about how I'm expected to act, talk, or feel.

The exact reason isn't relevant. What is relevant though, is the enlightening and liberating feeling of being able to explore and discover what you really feel, think, or believe for yourself. Not for anyone else, but just for you.

This is why I decided to create this blog. To facilitate a medium in which I could express those thoughts inside my head, to force them out into the physical world, even if it is just a blog on the internet. I want to write because "Writing does more than mirror our mind, it can clarify it, sharpen our thinking, and enrich our mind with an understanding that was not here before we wrote".

This is me, deconstructed, stripped away from all of the extraneous influences that affect me.
I feel like this is real. Life is real. You are real.
And that is what matters.